It’s not that bad, but it’s not great.

Well, that last post was morbid.

This whole divorce/child custody mish-mash has been going on since January, and I have no idea when it will be resolved.  I don’t know how much I can safely say about all that, so I’m not going to say anything. 

But I think it’s okay for me to talk about my feelings, so that’s what I’m going to do.

I feel ripped-off, taken for a ride, and lost.  I feel confused and sad.  The oddest thing is that while I feel all those negative emotions, I also feel well-rested, safe, and vaguely confident.  It’s hard to recover when you’ve been in the same kind of relationship for so long that it all seems normal, then one day you look at how everyone else is living and say, “This isn’t normal, and it isn’t healthy.”  Even though I know this divorce is good for me, I feel a little like I’ve been tossed into a world that I don’t understand.  I feel manipulated when I look at my peers closely and realize the things in their life that are normal are things I was robbed of.  Most of all, I feel like an idiot.  I mean, I’m smart, capable, educated, and reasonably successful in my career, and I still let my life go in that direction.  Now I’m attending Master’s classes, making friends, and sleeping all night.  I can’t believe this took so long. 

I tried guided meditation with Kundalini movement the other night.  I’ll give you a full report later.  I’m working to cleanse myself, forgive myself, and refocus on who I am.  Who am I?

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