WWJD? I sure don’t know.

Hmmm, it’s the last Tuesday of January, the day I’ve dedicated to the NaBloPoMo theme “change,” and I don’t know what to say.

So many things are changing for me right now.  I just want to crawl under my blankets and wake up with all the hard work done and my life set up the way it’s supposed to be.  I understand that you are supposed to pray to God for advice and guidance when you are faced with a difficult decision, but what do you do when there is no answer?  I have been praying about the same question for 6 years now, and when no answer came the first time, I had to make the best decision I knew how to make.  I continue to pray for guidance, and I still don’t know what to do, even though the same problem exists and has shown no signs of alleviation.  I’m not trying to say that God doesn’t answer prayers, I’m asking what do you do when the problem that has been the subject of your prayers for years is reaching a head, and cannot continue on the same path without dire consequences for an innocent bystander?

I understand that if there is anything in your life that may cause you to be less of a Christian you are supposed to get rid of it, but what if that something is also something that the Bible says you should never get rid of?  I know I am talking in secret Bible code, and hopefully those of you that are well-versed in the Bible will understand what I’m talking about here. 

What should I do if change is forced upon me?  What if I think change is the best solution, but God hasn’t given me the go-ahead?  What if I never get the answer from Him, but instead continue to live in a desperate situation?  I need someone to tell me what to do, and tell me it will be okay in the long run.  I just don’t think I can continue under these circumstances.

Updates, a miracle, and some wake-up calls.

I know it has been a while since I posted last, and I am sorry, but sometimes it’s just hard to put the words together, you know?  My brother is doing so well, he was able to come home last Saturday and has very limited damage from the stroke.  The doctors determined he doesn’t need physical therapy at all, and only needs speech therapy once a week, thank God.  He has to go back next month for heart surgery to replace his aortic valve with an artificial one, so the focus right now is keeping him well-rested and in good spirits, and making sure he is in the best possible health when he goes under the knife.  The staff that is doing the surgery have high hopes because he has one of the healthiest hearts they’ve ever worked on.  He is not a typical heart patient with clogged arteries and layers of fat.  Turns out R has a birth defect that only opens his aorta in two places instead of four, so all this blood pooled behind the valve and a clot formed.  When he went running that morning the clot came loose and caused the stroke.  Here’s the first part of the miracle.  He was able to finish a three mile run, drive home, wake the kids up for school, and get a shower before the stroke symptoms started.  If he had the stroke out on the track it could have been hours before anyone found him, making the recovery far, far worse, and possibly even killing him.  Now, the second part of the miracle.  If he hadn’t had the stroke, the birth defect would have gone undetected until his aortic valve exploded from the pressure, killing him instantly.  Thank God for strokes.

Whenever I talked to people that know my brother, they almost always said, “It isn’t fair.  There are terrible people out there that live forever, and R works out everyday, is a good father, works hard to do the right thing, and he gets a stroke.”  Well.  First of all, if any of those terrible people out there had a stroke like R’s, they probably wouldn’t live through it.  R did so well because he works out and takes care of his body.  (Wake-up call #1.)  Second of all, if the stroke had killed him, he would be remembered for all his good traits and looked up to by anyone who knew him.  (Wake-up call #2.)  I know it doesn’t seem fair, but sometimes life isn’t fair.  People die whether they deserve it or not, and we have to make sure we are going to be remembered as the type of person who always did the right thing by pushing ourselves in our daily lives to make the most of what God has given us.  If I die today, who will remember me?  What will they remember me for?  I know I can’t have everyone like me, and I’m sure there are a couple people who would spit on my grave if they had a chance, but I can’t do anything about that.  I just have to focus on doing what is best for my family, being a good friend, working hard, keeping a reputation of honesty, and living according to my core values.  When I die, I want there to be no question in anyone’s mind about what I stood for and who I loved.